Two Worlds

In the past 6 months, I have come to realize one thing. That I'm living in two completely different worlds ruled by two completely different concept of 'TIME'! Surprised? Well read on...

This stuck me when I started pursue my new year resolution. More introspection! It is safe to say that, even now, I don't understand myself completely. But I'm at a better place than I was 6 months ago. But with constant introspection, I came to scrutinize my every single move, every dialogue. Every conversation I had participated in had to go under the hammer of my scrutiny. I fear I'm getting to a place where I am my worst critic. Enough rambling, and back to the topic of the post.

I consider my world is ruled by two times. There is the 'Mechanical Time' and there is the 'Body Time'. Former is the rigid, unyielding and predetermined, just like a clock that goes tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. The other is free, instinctive, responsive, where I make up my mind as time flows.

Many a times I feel that this mechanical time does not exist. I feel that I live life as it comes by. At these times, the 'time' is ruled by my heartbeat rather than the metallic pendulum of a clock. At these times, I really feel in touch with my emotions. The time is ruled by my desires and moods. At these times, I feel that the time flies by when it has to, like when I'm in a exam. And the same time will slow down when I'm relaxing, like when I'm on a trip, helping me to take in every single detail of nature.

Then there are 'times' when I feel I'm so predictable, that I could be easily confused with a robot. I wake up at the strike of 6 AM, do morning chores by the clock. When my stomach growls, I look at the clock to see if it is time to eat! When I'm seeing a boring sitcom, I see the time to check when it will end, rather than switching it off. It is like I have been programmed to do it. I begin to feel that my body is not a collection of wild magic, but just a collection of bones, muscles and nerves which are all hard coded before hand about their purpose at that particular time. As such the body is ordered by the laws of physics rather that laws of nature. The body at these times is a thing to be ordered, not obeyed.

I have come to understand that existence in these two worlds is inevitable. But having experienced the joy of the world with 'Body Time', I have come to despise the events that I have to 'perform' in the world of 'Mechanical Time'.
I also believe that Time in general is the only absolute thing in the world. It is an infinite ruler. It is the same for everyone rich or poor, good or bad, irrespective of religion or race. A second is a second is a second. It is the basis on which we even base our religious belief. Like the concept of 'Yuga' in the Hindu mythology.